Let me tell you something that might surprise you: I still get nervous before events sometimes, even after helping thousands of people connect in Charlotte. That flutter in your stomach? It's not a bug—it's a feature. It means you care about making real connections.
Here's what I've learned from watching nervous newcomers transform into confident community members: the secret isn't eliminating nerves, it's showing up anyway. And having a game plan that actually works.
Why Your Nerves Are Actually Normal (And Helpful)
Sarah joined us last month for her very first Charlotte Together event. She sat in her car for ten minutes, hands shaking, wondering if she should just drive home. "I felt like everyone would see right through me," she told me later.
Plot twist? Three other people at that same event confessed to doing the exact same car-sitting ritual. Including someone who'd been coming to our events for six months.
Your nerves aren't a sign you don't belong—they're proof you're stepping outside your comfort zone. That takes guts. And honestly? The people who become the most welcoming community members are often the ones who remember feeling exactly like you do right now.
The "Friend's Advice" Pre-Event Ritual (10 Minutes)
Forget complicated breathing exercises that make you feel more anxious. This is the ritual I'd walk you through if we were getting ready together:
10 minutes before: Put on your favorite song and move your body however feels good. Dance badly in your living room. Do jumping jacks. Shake out your hands like you're trying to fling off water. Your goal isn't to look cool—it's to remind your body that you're alive and capable.
8 minutes before: Write down one tiny win you want. Not "become best friends with everyone" but "learn one person's name" or "ask someone about their weekend." I promise you, achieving one small goal will feel better than half-completing five big ones.
6 minutes before: Pick your opening line and say it out loud three times. My personal favorite: "Hi, I'm [name]—how's your night going so far?" It works because it's genuinely curious and gives the other person an easy way to respond. No pressure to be witty or clever.
4 minutes before: Remind yourself why you're doing this brave thing. Maybe it's "I want to feel less lonely on weekends" or "I'm tired of having no one to grab coffee with." Hold onto that reason—it's your anchor when small talk feels overwhelming.
2 minutes before: Send a text to someone who believes in you. "About to walk into an event—send good vibes!" Having someone in your corner, even virtually, makes you 47% more likely to actually walk through the door. (I made up that statistic, but I bet it's accurate.)
Your First Five Minutes Inside
Here's what actually happens when you walk in: everyone's too busy with their own conversations to scrutinize your entrance. Seriously. You're not being judged—you're just another friendly face in the room.
Look for the person wearing a Charlotte Together name tag or shirt. That's your host, and their literal job is to make you feel welcome. Walk up and say, "Hey! First time here—what should I know?" They've heard this question a hundred times and they love answering it.
Position yourself near something happening. The snack table, the check-in area, someone explaining an activity. Natural gathering spots create natural conversation starters. You don't have to interrupt—just being nearby means you're part of the energy.
If someone approaches you first, let them. I know it feels like you should be the one making the first move, but honestly? Some people are natural greeters and they're thrilled to welcome newcomers. Accept the gift of their friendliness.
When the Anxiety Monster Shows Up
Sometimes, even with the best preparation, your heart starts racing and your palms get sweaty. Here's your emergency reset:
Find five things you can see (the art on the wall, someone's cool shoes, the snacks, a plant, a lamp). Four things you can physically feel (your feet in your shoes, your phone in your pocket, the temperature of the air, your back against the chair). Three things you can hear (laughter, background music, someone saying "Charlotte"). Two things you can smell (coffee, someone's perfume). One thing you can taste (gum, the last sip of your drink, or just the taste in your mouth).
This isn't woo-woo nonsense—it's a proven way to pull your brain out of panic mode and back into the present moment.
And listen: if you need to step outside for air, or sit quietly for a minute, or even leave early, that's completely okay. Social energy is like phone battery—everyone's runs out at different rates.
The Magic Moment (Your Post-Event Win)
Before you leave, try this: find one person you genuinely enjoyed talking to and say, "I really enjoyed our chat about [specific thing you discussed]. Want to stay connected?" Then exchange Instagrams, phone numbers, or whatever feels natural.
One real connection makes the entire evening worth it. Not five networking cards, not a room full of small talk—just one person who makes you think, "I'd like to hang out with them again."
Your Gentle Next Step
Ready to practice? Start with one of our smaller, cozier events. Coffee hangs, creative workshops, and walking groups tend to feel less overwhelming than big parties. Check out our calendar and look for events with 20-30 people max.
If you're still feeling uncertain, read Your First Event Survival Guide (It's Easier Than You Think) for more first-timer tips, or join our Discord to chat with other nervous-but-brave humans who are figuring this out too.
Here's the truth I want you to remember: every single person in our community was nervous at their first event. Every. Single. One. Including the people who now seem impossibly confident and social. The only difference between them and you is that they decided their desire for connection was stronger than their fear of awkwardness.
You're not broken for feeling nervous. You're human. And you're exactly the kind of thoughtful, caring person our community needs.
See you soon—nerves and all.
